Tonight I revisit this post from three years ago. I stood witness to a terrible loss today and watched a heart break wide open. This is for that young woman who one day will find her strength again - who may be lost tonight. This is for anyone who sits in the dark and needs to know that there is a light.
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I'm really not sure where this blog is going other than I have lost my way.
Vegas and I moved to this beautiful prairie land called Iowa. We came to start over. To begin again. Because in a life well lived, sometimes we all need a do over. And this was mine.
So we piled in my station wagon of sorts and drove here. We would give it a year. We just had to make it a year. The thing you have to understand is that we knew no one and nothing about this place. It was just Vegas and me trying to sort out the pieces of our life that were still standing; the pieces that were broken and the pieces that need to be buried, like a favorite bone.
And we did it. We found our way. We made beautiful friends, both people and dogs. We learned we love snow but not ice. We learned that having family in Florida to visit is good. We learned that it's fun to sugar up the kids and then send them back to their parents. We learned that new traditions can be as precious as the old ones. We learned that even if we can't chase the squirrels anymore, it's still nice to lay on the grass and watch them.
All I've lost, all I've lived and all I've loved in the last decade has been with Vegas.
I think that's what profound grief is. Losing one's way. I also know that there's only one way back, and that's to acknowledge the darkness and walk through.
Vegas is with me. Every day. I see her at my feet.
We begin again, one day at time...
